Well, it is the last real day of 2008. It's been a mess, to be frank. My life has been turned upside down, more often than night, and i feel like i can't slow anything down. I know that I need someone to talk to, and I know that i can't. I have my friends, and i have my blog, but i feel like that isn't enough. I need to learn to let go. I need to learn to stop striving for things, not perfection or any of the normal things, but I'm never happy, and throughout the day, if you know me, you will hear me regret more than one thing. Which is bad, I am 20, and i regret so much that i can't go through a day without wishing I would've done something different.
We're having a party tonight. My stomach is in knots, my chest hurts; obviously my anxiety is really acting up. And to make things worse, I think my step-dad is coming to our party tonight. That doesn't really make things worse, just makes things more awkward. Shane and Cassandra really don't mind if he is there, and I don't mind, just none of my family has ever seen me in a social environment. Which makes me fairly nervous, considering how socially awkward I am, and how my dad's side of the family used to pick on me.
but, I guess like Heather says, I gotta put myself out there.
bbye.
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