What am I missing.

I feel like I am missing something. I am going to go into the history of my relationship, because it has been eating at me recently. I graduated high school in June of 2006, right on schedule, and then, as i had told myself all the times prior, I moved out of my dad's (in indiana) and back to my grandparents in CA, by the end of july. I know that I hurt a lot of people in the process, and I know that it was a selfish move. But after being so selfless, what's a boy to do? I have to do something for myself. Anyways. I moved out here en of july, and started hanging out with Mike, Anena, Austin and Lanie, we were always together, and were always doing things. It was a lot of fun, I miss them. One night, it was just Anena and I, we went to starbucks to meet alex connors, and Shane was there. Shane and I had originally met on myspace, thanks to a dear friend named Lena; but Shane was there, it was awkward, and that was about it, no other conversation than me introducing myself, and him recognizing me from myspace. Then the next weekend, maybe 2, there was a party at Cassidy's, a friend of everyone else's, and I went along, I needed to meet more people, get out more, and Shane was there. Shane and I had started to text, a lot. I was with mike and Austin one night, and we stayed at Mikes house, and after walking about 2 miles, shane and I had learned a lot about each other. But there was a party at Cassidy's, and I went, and shane was there. I took some riddlin, this was before I started drinking. But the riddlin ended up making me really sick. So, i vomited, and then Shane's ecstasy started to kick in, and everything was fine after that. I had to drive shane's car to go pick up, and take TJ (not much known about him) home later that night. After that, we went to our prospective homes, for some reason I think we were with each other at each of our houses, and then hung out later that day again, with cassidy, and her boyfriend at the time chris. Shortly after that happened Shane and I decided to get together, and things were good, pretty good, as they normally are in the beginning of a relationship. After about, I want to stay, 3 months, we started to argue, and things just hit the fan from there, we broke up off and on, moved in with cassidy, moved out of cassidy's, got our wn apartment, argued more, subleased our apartment, and moved in with my grandma, things were fine there, and then I cheated. Not physically, but emotionally, there was a boy on myspace, and it got intense, i guess if things like that can, and it created a mess of problems for shane and i, of course, and then we broke up. I think, if I am remembering correctly, that this now puts us in October of 2007, so Shane and I had made it passed a year, But then we broke up, for a while, got together again, I think the longest was about 2 weeks, between there and January. And then, we both stopped talking to each other, for the most part, which is easier said than done, because we work at the same place. I moved back to Indiana in February of 2008, my grandma was really sick in the hospital, and I had some lose ends that I had to tie up. So I went, and things were okay there, I didn't talk to shane for about 2 months, even thought i thought about the boy like crazy. We started talking again in May, maybe end of April, and that is that. NOT. I moved back to CA the last week in may, thank god i was able to get my old job back. But I moved back, and Shane and I got together a few days after that, but something was still nagging at me, I told him I wasn't ready for a serious relationship again, Shane was my first LT real boyfriend. So, that was that. And to be 100% honest, I was really happy for the few weeks Shane and I were apart this last time. I hung out with Christian ( an old friend who no longer talks to me) every night after work, I was working 3-11 5 days a week at the time, so we mingled with the people that were out that late. Davis is a college town, so the busiest nights are thursday-sunday. But we walked, looked at boys, I almost met a few, I say almost because there was definitely eye contact, and definitely a pause after we passed each other. But i was always too nervous to say anything to them, and still haven't been able to overcome the fear of OMG, what if I am a fool, or worse what if they are straight (i have horrible gaydar). But then, somehow Shane and I ended up back together, and he said "let's get married" because this was before the LGBT community of CA was below chickens, and we are caught up to today, Shane and I are married. BUT i always feel like I am missing something, not that i want to go out and sleep around, but i feel like maybe it wasnt right? does this make sense?