This Year So Far

This year so far has been more than anyone should ever have to handle, I've met a lot of amazing people, but also realized how close-minded others are. It's almost heart breaking having to think about how much you want to talk to your family but you know for the better to just let them go because they aren't going to go anything but bring you down. I've been in and out of states, seen a lot, spent more than i should have. I've lived, and learned, and am starting to realize that i am ready to grow up, and i am going to be happy with the person i love regardless of what everyone has to say about it. I even got the blessing from my best friend, which was expected, but i stil needed to hear it. 

I've been thinking about weddings all day, i started watching 27 dresses tonight, and i think that i might have something to do with it. And shane and i have had little stints of conversation about it, it is just overwhelming, even the thought of it, i am ready i know i am, but it is just one of those those things that is always going to put you in the nerve-racking state of mind, i guess the main thought it that he has guy friends, i have girl friends (and my brother), and yea, i am the more femme one, but a female wedding party (along with my brother), seems kinda over the top, but once again, those things are all meaning less. I've also been thinking about the last name thing quite a bit, how would it work, what would we do, just all of the smaller things, someone might look at it as planning, but they are just ideas floating around, keeping my mind off of money, which is slowly getting better, well will be as soon as my fucking stimulus check is here.

Shane is really confused about what to do about target. I would love for him to only have one job, it would mean we get to spend more time together, more time talking, you know the things we both want in our relationship, but we both have a lot of bills that we need to pay, and i know that he is trying to get out of his debt, which i support him in 100% in whatever he chooses to do. I am working full time at the hotel again, which is always a good thing, and i kinda would still like another job, but i am doing fine now, and after september will be able to spend a little bit of money, and i know that september sounds far, but it isn't that bad.

I still haven't heard from my dad, which is kinda worrying me, but i am not going to stress on it, because if something worth me knowing happened i would've heard from someone, and my and Nikki have been playing phone tag, maybe i'll call her tonight, She told me that she has a girlfriend, which is great for her, as long as she is happy.

i know this post has been pretty scatter brained, that's how i've been feeling today, especially since i've gotten to work.

I've been thinking about starting a second blog, to try and get some money rolling in, which might sound stupid, but posting things about anything and everything that i can think of, especially things that are going to bring in a lot of traffic, it would be kinda nice to have to do nothing but type for money, besides the fact the keyboard on my macbook kinda makes my fingers cramp.

maybe another post before bed, i am not going on a walk tonight, even though i really should, i cant till i can get a new pair of shoes, none of mine are in decent enough condition for me to run in, especially if i go the LONG way.

later.