I've been starting to get in that uncomfortable spot again at my house, and it really hit me yesterday, when I realized that I am treated differently no matter where I go. And, it might just be me over thinking the situation, but if there is something that I do that you don't like, or something about me that you don't like, please tell me. Not so I can fix it, but so I know why I am treated like this. I feel like part of me is stuck in that awkward teenager stage where everyone is against you. And I know that is just a mixture of the anxiety and depression, these medicine aren't helping, they were but now I feel like i've plateaued. No, not even plateaued, fell again, I was in one of those moods yesterday, and Shane knew it. He kept asking me what was wrong, and there wasn't anything wrong, I just didn't, and still don't, feel comfortable in my own skin.
I guess it really hit me yesterday, when I was talking to my roommates mom. No one thinks I am a good driver, and I am not saying i am the best, but I am sure in hell not saying I am the worst, hell she's only ridden with me once, I think. I asked if i could borrow one of their cars, you know because they have 2, and are most definitely in over their heads, and she didn't even acknowledged that i needed a ride or anything, just started talking about something fucking random. I am pissed, not really pissed, but uncomfortable, and I don't wan to live with them anymore, like at all. I know that the smart thing to do is live with them, so that we can have cheap rent, but is sacrificing my comfort, and happiness really worth the $300?
I even brought it up to Shane again last night while we were leaving Hamburger Patties last night. And, he just said that it was all to save money and to be able to make our trips, and or trips are before our real lease is even over. I guess it is time we really sit down and talk about it, especially if he is going to be doing school and everything.
who knows.
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