It's a few of his friends, i'm done trying to be nice if i'm just going to be shit on. I haven't done anything to these people to make them not like me, I know i've don't some shitty things to Shane, but from what I can tell he has forgiven me, moved and, and the past is the past so why can't his friends. I try way to hard for my ow good to get along with these people and it just ends up coming back on me making me feel like a waste of time, I don't want that and I don't deserve that kind of treatment from someone who won't try and get to know me outside of a relationship, regardless of what's been done in the relationship. I don't owe them anything, not even an apology because I didn't do tbr fucked up things to them, I did the fucked up things to Shane, he know's i'm sorry, and he know's that things are different this time, at least I hope that he does. Even when I try to carry a conversation with them, be it online or in person, I get this feeling like,"why are you talking to me the only reason I put up with you is because I have to" which is ridiculous because I don't judge you for the stuff you do, because your you and I am me and everyone does things in their own way. So I guess until people can stop being so god damn judgemental, I am not even going to try anymore, it's a waste of my time and energy and it gets really draining.
On a lighter note
Shane and I are doing really good.
We've talked about getting this tattoo together recently, I like the idea, and so does he, but I also agree with him, maybe it's too early, or it is going to be like my septum and something spontaneous that no one is going to expect. I still want me giving tree tattoo. I told Sean about it, and asked him his thoughts about what Jessica said she was going to charge me, he said it's kinda steep and that I should look around. I went home last night to grab some clothes because I stayed with Shane again, and Sean told me that he met this guy at the recycling center who moved here from Ventura who is a tattoo artist, and I guess Sean told him about what Jessica said and the guy said he would charge about 150 or so, i'm kinda tempted, but also scared because everyone says how bad it's going to hurt, and I mean come on there's not much protection on your ribs or anything, so obviously it's going to hurt. I've also been thinking about putting that off for a bit and getting something else first so I know what the needles feel like, and then going from there. But we'll see.
I talked to my mom yesterday, she seems okay, i'm kinda worried about her still. But she sounded happy. I miss her a lot, I wish I could go visit for a bit. But I have things that I need to finish, and a boy here I love, who is going to come with me next time. It's time he meets the family and it's time I get their blessing. I know that everyone else is going to like him, and I know my mom does. I guess the only person that I am kinda worried about is my grandma, she is such a bitch sometimes, it's horrible. But I can't live in the past anymore it's time I let it all go, forgive and forget like some say, and just start making happy memories, memories worth remembering.
:]
Nap time.
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