Waking up, sleeping schedule, and loving myself.

Well, it is 10:15 am, as i start this post. We're supposed to be taking Gretta (my chihuahua) to the vet today so she can get her shots. Surprise, Shane is sleeping and wont get up. I woke him up, then i had to take someone somewhere, and he was up when I got home but "he isn't ready to be awake". For god sake, I could have worked my half shift, I could have gotten the money that we need. I told him all day yesterday that I wanted to be at the vet early, so that we didn't end up having to sit in a hellacious line, but his sleep is more important.

I've asked him numerous times to get on a sleeping schedule, and he says he will, but still isn't in bed by midnight. It is frustrating, he works Wednesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays, and it sucks. I feel like, yet again, excuses are being made as to why he wont look for another job, as to why he isn't doing anything, I just feel like once again, I am being put on the back burner. It isn't fair that I feel like I am raising someone. I feel like my marriage is one sided, and it makes me want to run.

It is obvious, I am severely depressed, and I DO NOT love myself. It sucks, because I can't love anyone, I can barely offer advice to my friends now, because I am so unhappy in my current situation. I've tried everything, and I have no interests, and it sucks. I'm on a semi-consistent work out schedule, so that is something that I can look forward to, along with my computer, and this is going to sound totally pathetic, but is the only place I feel "comfortable". I'm having a really hard time focusing, and not just now, all the time. For instance, I am doing about a million different things while typing this blog. So many, that I've enabled spaces, which i said i wouldn't do, but it clears the clutter, so it is nice. And, right here, is where I lose all interest in finishing this. I'm hoping this St. Johns wort does something, gotta look up side effects because I feel like I just took some adderall.