Yup.

Things are good, really good. And I have a lot that i've been thinking about, a lot I can't write, and a lot that I won't talk about. Some things are better left alone.

We plan on drinking tonight, something we don't do often, it'll be fun. Besides the part that Shane has to be home at 900, maybe we'll reschedule.

I know this is going to work, things just feel different this time, they feel right, but he still seems preoccupied and distant when I try to talk to him about what's on his mind. I'm not going to stop talking to the friends i've made, and I know that isn't what he is asking, he is asking me to not do it so much, and i'm really trying, i've hardly talked to anyone today, which is better than normal.

I talked to my mom today. It was an intense but short conversation. I told her we got back together, and she didn't really sound happy, so I asked. She said that she just wants me to be happy, and if Shane makes me happy, which he does, then to be with him. She likes him, and she approves, I don't know, I know that she has a lot on her mind and really can't focus on me or Isaac right now, which makes her sound bad, but she isn't, I love her and she is just doing the best she can with the cards that she was dealt.

Time to go
Maybe another update tonight
:]

Today

Well, it happened, we're together again and I am happier than ever. We spent Saturday morning together talking everything through, it went well, and obviously ended on a good note.

I know that a week ago I said that I wasn't ready to commit, but it's time I stop running from everything. I run from every major commitment that I make. I'm scared to go to school, i'm scared of a lot. So if i'm going to commit to something it's time I commit to something/someone that makes me happy. It's time for me to grow up, and it's time for me to start being a man, instead of a little pansy boy who doesn't do anything in order to pace the road for his future.

I went shopping today. It was really hard. His best friend came, which is fine, it's a relationship that i'm willing and going to try to work on, it is just still hard because I feel like I have to fight for his attention, and I don't want that. He told me on the way home that he was uncomfortable all day because he feels like he can't be himself, the person he is around her rather, because he doesn't want me to think that he is stupid. Shane, I will never think your stupid. I know how it is to act different with one friend as opposed to another, and it's nothing to be ashamed of, it is just something your going to have to realize and if the person is wanting you to change a serious friendship like the two of you have, the person isn't worth your time. I will never make, or ask, you to change the way you act because your annoying or bothering me, I will suck it up because I know that things are like that when the tables are turned.

Life's good

And for the first time in a long time

I can say that i'm happy

It's been years since i've been able to say that.

It's bedtime now. Goodnight.

:]

Today

Was a decent day, I got paid, which is always good, I worked, which I could have done without. My job gives me too much time to think, it's depressing. I talked to Meredith about school, which was more of a game with her, she kept naming random things she thinks I should do with the rest of my life. I'm thinking i'm just going to do the same as before, and go on with my RN classes. I talked to Darci today, which was an amazing help, because she is going to nursing school at NYU, and I want to go to an out of state nursing program also. I have a lot of work to do before the first of January. I'm not going to be able to start school till next year, which is ok, gives me time to get on my feet, which is what I need, let's me get a car and a place and get my debt caught up ASAP.

I'm wanting to take Isaac and me out to see mom and everyone for Christmas, it's been years since Isaac has seen them, and my last trip wasn't the greatest because it was full of arguing and such. But what do you expect with someone like my aunt and someone like my grandma trying to get along, it doesn't work, the personalities crash because they are so similar yet so opposite at the same time. We'll see how money works out though.

Hopefully i'm getting my haircut tomorrow, i'm really excited, but I think it's going to be hard to get in for an appointment, because I forgot to make one today :x.

I also took out my septum, it was old and time for a change. I'm wanting something else but I think next it's a tattoo. I've got quite a few things picked out now, just not sure what I want first.

I still haven't told anyone about this blog. Part of me wants to and the other part of my wants to just let it come out when the time is right. And it also seems like I have someone that I confide into without it intentionally getting spread around and causing drama. So if you've stumbled across it, you've just had a look into the small world of what my life consists of, worrying.

But goodnight for now.

christopher.